1. Is my hairline receding or are my baby hairs just really fragile?
2. If I go down to get a glass of water and I fall, I live alone so technically it could be days before someone comes to find me.
3. My hairline is fine. Totally fine.
4. I should get a cat. Or a puppy. A cat. I’m adopting a cat, like, tomorrow.
5. DID I TURN THE OVEN OFF?
6. Ugh, I’m too warm to figure it out.
7. I am thirsty, though.
8. Nah, not that thirsty.
9. My hairline *is* somewhat damaged, maybe.
10. If I was married, I could have my husband get me the glass of water *and* check on the oven.
11. Repeat: That is not a reason to get married.
12. If I got a cat, maybe I could train it to run for help if I fell down the stairs?
13. Grandma got married at 35, so there’s still time. Needing a glass of water is still not a reason to get married, though.
15. I can’t get a pet, I killed my cactus*. Plus, I’ve been abandoned by a cat before*
16. *yawns* My hairline is fine.
*An unfortunate incident involving boiling water and eggshells.
*A childhood cat who moved into the American Embassy up the road for their imported cat food. (This was in Malawi)