What do you want to be when you grown up?
I feel like I’m never done answering that question, it’s never settled.
Lauren Laverne wrote a lovely article last week on aging and gracefully “accepting the counsel of the years” – but not giving up who you are:
“So often, when women talk about ageing, we really mean how we look – but the process is also about who we become. It’s about how we live. To be optimistic, to face the future with open eyes, heart and mind, and without clinging to the past – those are my goals.” – Lauren Laverne
I’ve found my thirties unsettling and thrilling.
I love the feeling of settling into my body. I remember a point last year when I looked at my thighs – really looked – and thought, these are mine, they are large and shapely and I love them. I’m embarassed to say that it’s taken me that long to make peace with my body. Yes, I still want to be fit. But the primary goal is health rather than aesthetics. I want to be stronger, more flexible, to build a strong framework on which to wear the advancing years; a strong foundation to age (dis)gracefully with.
My skin has changed. My hair and nails have changed. I wasn’t really prepared for how different I would feel in myself. Not in a bad way, but it has been unsettling.
But that’s just the outside. I love the feeling of settling into myself; knowing myself so much better, feeling more confident and sure of what I’m about. I know what lights my fire and what diminishes me – what I can and cannot – or more importantly will and will not do.
I’m still learning, growing, changing. I have some lovely friends who are younger than me – just knocking at 30, and those who are closer to 40 – who I can look up to. They are vibrant and fierce and brilliant, wonderful role models to aspire to.